Impatient for Love
by xShanaChan
Summary: Mikan's living her life to the fullest ... until she finds out that Natsume is ... back? Now, Mikan's finding it harder and harder not to fall in love with him again. Will Natsume give it all up for her? Or will this end in heartbreak?
1. Back Again

Hey, guys. (:

Be nice on me, kay? I'm just an amateur writer. :P

So, anyways, Mikan's being really happy cuz of some stuff but all her hopes and dreams are crushed when a certain hot badboy enters the picture once again. ;) Guess who?

I don't own Gakeun Alice. 'Nuff said. (:

Enjoy! 3

---

**At the apartment**

_Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring!_

"Mhm."

_Urgh_, I thought, rolling over to my side on the bed. _What is that awful ringing noise?_

I let my eyes drift shut again, ready to sleep further.

Suddenly, something stirred in my memory. Something about my best friend, Hotaru.

Hotaru? Hotaru...oh shit!

I scrambled from the bed in a blind panic, sending sheets flying everywhere.

I was suppose to meet Hotaru at the coffeehouse at least ten minutes ago!

Grabbing a brush, I dragged it hurriedly through my tangled hair and dashed for the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, I was careening through the apartment I shared with my best friends, Hotaru and Anna.

_Shit!_ I thought as I snatched up my car and house keys. _I'm doomed._

**Five minutes later**

I drove as fast as I could through the busy Tokyo streets, trying not to hit anyone.

It was a humid day; hot and way too sunny. People were hiding behind sunglasses or hiding beneath hats and umbrellas.

As I sped through three traffic lights flashing red and was just cursing my luck, I spotted a tall girl sauntering along the pavement across from me.

She was wearing cutoffs with a sleeveless white hoodie and long sleeved green tee and listening to her iPod.

Nothing unusual but I slowed down.

Her hair. I'd seen hair like hers before; black as midnight, glossy and soft. Not very usual here in Tokyo.

That was when she turned and I almost screamed.

She had red eyes. Deep, dark, jump-out-at-you red eyes. She was beautiful with sharp features and pale skin.

But that wasn't what had terrified me.

No. It was Aoi Hyuuga that blinked her beautiful red eyes lazily at me. She smiled then turned to melt into the crowd.

"Aoi!" I screamed it, hoping she would turn around. But she didn't.

Completely forgetting about Hotaru, I attempted to stomp my foot onto the brakes. But I accidentally hit accelerator and zoomed away.

When I glanced back, she was gone.

**At the coffeehouse**

Hotaru's Coffeehouse For The Awesome, or more commonly known as HCA, was hopping when I arrived.

I knew Hotaru wouldn't be working. She'd gotten her fortune through the coffeehouse and now could kick back and relax.

Sure enough, it was Anna smiling sweetly behind the counter. I waved to her then scanned the crowded coffeehouse for Hotaru.

I spotted her dark hair. She was sitting sprawled in a chair by the window. I dashed over.

"Sorry I'm late, Hotaru," I apologized as I hurried up. "I ... overslept."

"Baka," she snapped. "You kept us waiting."

"Us?" I repeated. I glanced to the empty seat across her in confusion. "Who's _us_?"

Her thin lips curved into a slow smile. "Oh, me," she said innocently. "And ... someone else."

For no reason at all, I felt chills run up my spine.

Suddenly, a voice like melting butter called my name behind me.

It was a voice that I could recognize from a mile away, a voice that produced butterflies from my stomach.

A voice that up until now, I'd dreaded to hear.

"Its been a while ... Mikan," Natsume Hyuuga whispered from behind me.

---

There ya go. (:

Natsume is officially back.

I'll write chapter 2 later; am too lazy right now.

Read and review, please.

**xShanaChan**


	2. Together ?

If I owned Gakeun Alice, Natsume will be sleeping it up in Las Vegas.

Oh look, he ain't. You know what I mean. (:

Joshua is a character I just brought in to add more drama to it. (;

---

**At the present**

I knew the voice. I knew it was him. But yet, I still stupidly stuttered, without turning around, "Nat-Natsume?"

"No, its Santa Claus," he replied, still in his silky tone.

I knew right then that it was him. No one could sound still so sexy while being so undoubtedly sarcastic.

I spun around and there he was, alright. All five feet six of him. Before I could catch a grip on myself, I fell into his piercing red eyes.

He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.

But how could I? I was at a loss for words; they stuck fast in my throat.

He hadn't changed a bit. Same devious smirk. Same tousled black hair. Same arrogant personality. Same rippling chest beneath his black shirt.

And same penetrating red-eyed gaze that I always fell into.

He handed me one of the coffee cups he was holding and his hand brushed against mine. Cold, as usual.

It was like nothing had ever changed.

My bruised and battered heart felt whole and new again.

"I-what are you doing back here?" I breathed. I instantly hoped he didn't notice my husky tone.

He shrugged and sipped his coffee. "I'm taking over the Hyuuga company," he said matter-of-factly.

Hyuuga company? That meant-

"What happened to your father?" I asked, gently.

He shrugged again. "I think he died. I'm not sure. Some gasbag just called me up and told me that I was no the head of the Hyuuga company."

I flinched at his harsh tone. But I guess I couldn't really blame him.

Ever since I'd met them, Natsume and Aoi Hyuuga had been living parentless. Later, I found out that their mother had died in a car accident when they were still young.

And their father, head of the Hyuuga company, had dumped them on the doorstep of his closest relative.

"Oh," I said. I didn't know what to say next.

Suddenly, all the hurt and anger and memories rushed in. I recalled his simple dismissal, his offhand information that he was moving.

Every part of my body had hurt with anger and hurt every time I recalled it.

As it did now.

"Why did you want to see me?" I dropped the cup of coffee; it landed with a huge splash on the concrete floor. I didn't care.

I had cried for this guy. I had loved him with every fibre of my being.

And now, here he was, smirking at me while drinking his stupid cup of coffee, acting like none of it had ever happened!

He peered into his cup. "Hotaru called and said that you would love to see me."

I whirled around to face Hotaru, who, behind me, had been enjoying our conversation.

"Hotaru!" I snapped.

"What?" She demanded, faking a look of innocence. "You said you missed him."

I felt my face flush bright red. "I didn't. I never wanted to see him again, remember? How could you?"

He chuckled with amusement behind me. "So I suppose you're happy that I'm back."

I spun around to face him, not caring that most of the people in the coffeehouse were staring at me.

"No," I told him. "No, I am not happy to see you. I won't be happy. Ever. Until you leave."

And before I could suffer emotional overload, I spun on my heel and ran for my life out of the door and away from the greatest but most sweetest mistake of my life.

**Later, back in the apartment**

I threw myself down on the couch and let it all loose; tears of rage, hurt and betrayal dripped onto the cushions.

Just looking at Natsume and falling into those beautiful eyes reminded me about the unhealthy state of my heart. Of how much abuse it had received when he's dumped me.

I had been recovering though. Life had propelled me forward. I'd gotten to meet new people. I'd been _happy_.

Until I saw him once again.

Tears streaming down my face, I placed my palm against my chest. My heart drummed beneath it.

I didn't like to admit it but - this was the first time my heart at least, felt so...alive.

Even after meeting the guy I was currently dating, Joshua, my heart wasn't drumming so hyperactively as now. It bothered me that the guy that had ripped my heart apart could still make me feel this way.

Natsume Hyuuga. He had been a mystery to me at first. And I'd fallen in love with him on the way to knowing the real him.

And then, there was Hotaru. She knew how I felt about him. I'd loved him (I still did) but I hated him as well. And then, she'd betrayed me.

Suddenly, I heard the door creak open. I didn't bother lifting my head up from the pillow. I knew it was Hotaru.

Footsteps pattered lightly into the room as the door shut softly. Even though the footsteps were heavier than Hotaru's, I still assumed it was.

"Go away, Hotaru!" I yelled into the pillow. The footsteps stopped. "I don't want to talk to you!"

The footsteps resumed, getting louder as the person approached.

I jerked my head up from the cushion to give her a piece of my mind only to come face-to-face with...Natsume Hyuuga.

"Natsume ! What the hell...?"

"You left the door unlocked," he replied. "Are you okay?"

"You can't just come barging in here!" I shrieked, recoiling back. "I-"

But, in one deft move, Natsume Hyuuga had swooped down and kissed me. Hard.

---

Love, lies and lust? (:

I guess so.

Joshua tearing his way into the picture next chapter. ;)

Read and rate, yeah. :D

**xShanaChan**


	3. Love, Lust & Lies

I don't own Gakeun Alice. :/

Sadly.

---

**At my apartment**

The first thought that flashed through my head as Natsume smashed his lips against mine were, _OhMyGod, I have to stop this!_

Until I noticed how delicious his lips were, pushing against mine. I could feel his body pressing against mine, feel the broad of his shoulders.

A thrill ran up my spine as distant, and beautiful memories shivered alive.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back with a passion that I could no longer control. His skin felt cold through the sweater.

He was still standing, stooping to kiss me on the couch. I yanked him down and he almost collapsed on me but thankfully managed to catch himself.

His lips tasted like peppermint and coffee and butterscotch. He smelled beautiful, intoxicating. I melted.

Suddenly, he broke the kiss, pulling his head back a couple of inches. Both of our breathing were rapid.

"Well," he murmured in his silken tone. "That was - interesting."

He flashed me his gorgeous smile. I instantly felt light-headed and dizzy.

Gently, he released my arms from around his neck and no matter hard I tensed them, he managed the task easily and quickly.

"Better?" he prompted me. His breath had slowed down to normal.

Great. I felt like a dork who had sprinted across the world in one breath. My breathing was still labored.

I nodded.

Then, it hit me who was right in front of me and I recoiled.

"_Natsume_!"

He blinked his red eyes innocently. "Yes?"

"I-I-" My face was flushing bright red. "_You can't just walk in and kiss me like that_!"

He raised his eyebrows coolly. It did nothing to diminish the anger, hurt, horror and embarrassment that had just built up within me.

And before I knew it, I was doing the only thing I could think of. throwing pillows at him.

"You, freaking, stinking, dog!" I yelled, throwing all the cushions on the couch with full force. "How could you?"

He ducked them all easily, plucking one out of midair and tossing them back.

"What are you talking about?" he asked calmly. "You wanted it as much as I did."

I flushed a darker shade of red. "I did not!" I yelled at him. "I-I was trying to not hurt your feelings!"

"Sure," he said sarcastically. "Of course you were."

"Its true!" I was pretty much as red as possibly, his eyes. "How could you-?"

He shrugged and leaned forward. "Well, I gotta go now, sweetheart. Bye." With that, he planted a light kiss on my lips.

The feel and taste of his lips kicked my system haywire. I wanted to kiss back.

But before I could act on impulse, he was gone, the door swinging his quick departure.

And the only proof that he had been here were my moist lips...and my singing heart.

**Later, that night**

"Pass the soup," Hotaru said over the dinner table. She shoved another spoonful of white rice into her mouth.

We were having takeaway Chinese food. Too bad I was too distracted to enjoy it.

"Pass the soup," Hotaru repeated, glaring at me.

I finished picking apart my duck meat and started on the fishballs.

"MIKAN. PASS THE SOUP!" she finally yelled.

I jumped at her loud tone and almost upset the soup onto my lap.

"Oh, here ya go!" I handed it to her with a huge, fake and extremely bright smile.

She glared suspiciously at me as she accepted the bowl. She still hadn't apologized about the Natsume incident and she assumed that I was giving her the cold shoulder because of it.

Little did she know. My thoughts were too busy running repeatedly through Natsume and that kiss.

I couldn't believe I'd gone so long without those lips kissing me. It felt so good.

In fact, everything about Natsume was good except his playboy personality. I'd gotten a glimpse of the real him. Once.

And fell madly in love with him.

I didn't like to admit it but I'd never recovered.

_Neon jeongmal mystery, mystery, mystery, mystery, mystery, mystery, _

"Whoops, my cell," I said, reaching into my pocket and extracting the pink Sony Ericson with difficulty.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby," Joshua cooed on the other end. "Wanna come for a BBQ tonight? My house?"

"Oh, hey, Josh," I said brightly. I tried to extinguish thoughts of Natsume from my mind. After all, I was dating Joshua. It would be rude to think such indecent thoughts of my ex while dating Joshua. "Sure. What time?"

"Bout seven. You got a curfew?"

"Nope, why?"

"I was thinking you'd want to stay over longer," he replied slyly. "See you later, sexay."

"Uhm, yeah, see ya," I answered before flipping the phone shut.

I couldn't help noticing he hadn't called me anything that didn't sound pevertish.

Not like Natsume.

Hotaru and Anna were watching me.

"Are you going somewhere tonight?" Hotaru asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, over to Natsume's house," I replied as thoughts of Natsume flooded in. "He's BBQ-ing tonight."

That was when I noticed the strange looks they were giving me.

"What?" I felt pretty creeped out.

"You're going over to _Natsume_'s house tonight?" Anna asked.

Whoops! I immediately realized that I'd been so preoccupied thinking about Natsume, his name had been drilled into my brain!

"I mean," I spluttered. "I'm going over to **Joshua**'s house tonight. For a BBQ."

They didn't say anything.

"What?"

"Well," Anna hesitated. Then her voice dipped to a whisper.

"We think you should start dating Natsume again."

---

Ooh, cliff-hanger! (:

Why do Hotaru and Anna think Mikan should start dating Natsume again?

Find out in Chapter 4! (;

Please give constructive comments, okay?

**xShanaChan**


	4. The Silent Tears

I do not own Gakeun Alice. (:

If I did, it'll probably be the most watched uhm, anime ever.

*is apparently full of herself*

(: (: (:

**At the apartment**

It was if time had frozen for me. The only thing my mind was working on was Anna's words.

"What?" I whispered.

Hotaru and Anna exchanged quick looks.

"Well," Hotaru said. Really slowly. So that I couldn't pretend to not have heard. "You're in love with him."

My gaze slipped, from their faces to the full, uneaten plate before me. My gut was wrenching.

Because it was true. I'd never learned to stop loving Natsume Hyuuga.

"And," Anna added. "We know he loves you too."

This got my attention. My head jerked up and I stared in disbelief at my two supposed best friends in front of me.

"Are you out of your mind?" I demanded, flicking my hair out of my face. "After the way he just left me? Left me to...to-"

I was still bleeding from the wounds he'd inflicted when he'd left.

"He did it for you," Anna said. Her voice dipped. "He didn't want you to get hurt."

I let out a short bark of a laugh. "Oh sure, that's a laugh," I snapped. "I _so _didn't get hurt."

Hotaru scowled. "Look," she said. "We just don't want you to suffer anymore. I can see it in your eyes whenever we mention Natsume."

Anna nodded. "Pain, love, anger, hurt."

"What are you guys talking about?" I demanded. But I knew what they were talking about. I felt those emotions whenever his name got thrown around; felt it in my heart, deep in my stomach. I could never live without Natsume.

"We just want you to date him to stop you from suffering," said Hotaru. She looked a tad bit concerned.

But I didn't need that concern. I was healing. Bit by bit.

But I knew that I was lying to myself. I hadn't been healing. My wound has just gotten bigger, worse. It was healing now.

Because of his return. Because of my first love. Because of Natsume.

I stood up so suddenly, my chair fell backwards. Hotaru and Anna looked up at me, their expressions alarmed.

"I gotta go," I said blandly, in a tone best used for the loss of a relative. I walked towards the door and grabbed my coat off the hook.

"What?" Anna scrambled up, her face a mix of surprise, concern and alarm. "Where are you going?"

I didn't answer. I just snatched up my keys and left, the door slamming hard behind me and my best friends' words echoing in my head.

It was raining. Hard. I ducked into cover and went to get my car.

It was only when I was sitting in the bright red convertible my mum had given me for my sixteenth birthday, breathing in the rich, leather of the seats did I realize I had nowhere I wanted to go.

Then, I remembered Joshua's BBQ. I revved up the car and pulled the top over.

The rain drummed against the hard top as I pulled carefully into the road and swerved around.

As I began the long journey to Joshua's house, my mind spun over to Natsume's gorgeous smirk. Those beautiful eyes. And his lips.

I ran my tongue over my top lip. The taste of his mouth had lingered on mine; I recalled those eyes staring calmly into mine.

Without realizing where I was driving to, I turned left at a junction, staring with glassy eyes into the pouring rain outside.

The rain was so thick, I could barely see two feet in front of me. A row of houses loomed up on either side of me and I noticed the cars had noticeably lessened.

A feeling of familiarity rose up inside of me.

I squinted through the rain, my eyes raking the huge manors. They were all classy, tall, gorgeous. Huge black gates blocked the front yard from view.

Joshua was rich but not this rich. Where was I?

Then, I saw the huge, golden mansion raising up tall and proud before me, protected by a huge golden fence and hedges and knew.

I was at Natsume Hyuuga's house.

I had been here several times in the past, back when Natsume was still dating me and not jetting off to another country. I remembered the lush green, rolling lawns, the enormous property.

The car slowed down and I closed my eyes, praying that I had gotten it wrong.

But when I opened them again, my gaze fell on the huge, ornate 'H' on the golden gate and my mind spun to the Hyuuga corp.

So much for wrong house.

Before I knew what I was doing, I tapped the accelerator and jetted forward in a cascade of rainwater. It was only when I'd stopped directly in front of the huge golden gate did I realize what I was doing.

"Mikan!" I hissed angrily at myself. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Yes, can I help you?" A decidedly bored male voice asked. I jumped and looked wildly around for the source.

That was when I spotted the intercom on the side of the golden gate. A guy was on the screen, a beefy security type with dark sunglasses, matching suit and an ear piece.

"I - I'm Mikan Sakura but-"

With a long, exaggerated creak, the golden gates swung open.

"Go ahead," the bored security guard said. Before I could protest, the screen turned black.

Nervously, I pulled the car into the drive way and drove it. As I did, I glanced on either side of the car. Lush, green lawns, huge canopies to protect from rain, a porch, a deck.

I stopped behind the two sleek cars already parked by the door. I recognized one as Natsume's black sports car, the other was a silver Audi.

After making sure the car was locked, I walked to wards the front door, tugging nervously at my hair.

The door swung open easily when I twisted the handle and I stumbled into the huge hallway. Everything was as I remembered, topped off with Natsume's delicious smell. I inhaled before proceeding.

I walked into the glossy kitchen. A beautiful figure was sitting at the glass and antique wood table.

My heart twisted as his beautiful lips twisted into a smile.

"_Mikan_," Natsume Hyuuga purred. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

:) :) :)

Hope you enjoyed it and I'm sorry for leaving it off for so long. :/

Read and review, okay? (:

**xShanaChan**


	5. First Love

Sadly, I do not own Gakeun Alice.

Don't cry for me, characters of Gakeun Alice!

Anyways, sorry I took so long publishing this, I kinda forgot about it. :/

(: (: (:

**Natsume Hyuuga's house**

Looking at him itself took too much out of me. My heart twisted at his perfection and my stomach churned. A blush heated my cheeks.

And, to my horror, I felt that same tightness I'd felt when I'd first met him, welling up in my chest.

I couldn't allow myself to fall in love with him again. That was too dangerous.

Especially at what happened last time.

So, I did the only thing I could. I spun on my heel and ran.

My footsteps echoed loudly on the marble floor. I ran as fast as I could, tears threatening to spill. My vision was jagged; I kept seeing Natsume's mildly surprised, handsome face.

The huge, beautiful door loomed up and I almost whacked into it. I grabbed the handle and pushed but this time, it stayed stubbornly shut.

"C'mon," I hissed at it, shoving hard against it. It refused to budge.

Soft footsteps appeared behind me and before I could react, two strong arms wrapped themselves around me and Natsume Hyuuga's cold fingers pressed gently down upon the handle.

"You have to push it down at the same time," he murmured into my ear. His pale skin felt cold against my heated one.

He shoved it open then, stepped back away from me.

As his arms withdrew from around me, I felt like whipping around and grabbing and kissing him hard on the lips. His beautiful scent was intoxicating, making me dizzy.

I pushed against my strong desire and raced out of the house without another glance over my shoulder.

The rain, at least, had lightened up. It was no longer so thick; I caught vague images through the sleet. However, the wind was stronger and colder; it whipped my hair about my head and I felt the chill sink right into my bones.

Trying not to slip on the slippery floor, I stumbled past Natsume's sleek black car and just barely managed to catch myself onto my own convertible parked in between his car and the little silver Audi.

"Finally." I jiggled my pockets, teeth chattering, for my car key. But I froze.

Where was my car key?

I desperately checked my pockets again.

Empty.

Suddenly, a white hand flashed under my nose, dangling a bunch of keys hanging off a key ring. When I looked up, I saw Natsume, looking like a gorgeous model promoting the red sweater he was wearing, black hair tousled in the wind.

"You dropped your keys in the kitchen." He pressed them into my palm and I felt electric as his cool fingers brushed mine.

"Thanks."

"You'd better get in before you freeze to death," he replied carelessly. He retrieved his own keys from his pocket and clicked a button. His sleek black sports car flashed.

I watched him. "Where are you going?"

"To a party," he answered, shaking back his sleeve to examine the gold Rolex wrapped around his right wrist. "I'm kind of late."

"Oh." It reminded me of Joshua's party. I was running it really fine; it must've started an hour ago. "Have fun."

He winked at me over the driver's seat door and my stomach swooped. "I will."

He clambered in as with shaking fingers, I unlocked my driver's seat door and climbed gratefully into the warmth.

I attempted to start up the car, twisting the key quickly. The engine coughed and failed.

Natsume glanced over as I tried it again.

"I don't think your engine works well in the rain," he said quietly as I twisted the key crossly.

"Great, just great!" I glowered angrily. "What am I suppose to do now?"

Natsume looked at me thoughtfully for a few moments, then leaned over and opened the passenger door.

"Get in," he said simply.

I gaped at him. "What?"

"Get in," he repeated, glancing at me.

I didn't move. "What about my car?" I gestured towards it.

"I'll send it for repair and get them to drop it off at your place tomorrow," he replied. "Hurry up."

I hesitated then, got out of the car, slammed the door and marched around the other side to the passenger door of his car.

The warmth was beautiful, I slid into my seat eagerly, feeling the cold evaporate quickly.

Natsume's engine thrummed into life as I slammed the passenger door shut and allowed the warmth and his beautiful smell wash over me.

"Where to?" he asked as he pulled the car into reverse and swiftly backed out of the driveway.

I told him Joshua's address. He moved slightly, looking surprised but I thought I imagined it, he was back to normal almost at once.

The huge golden gate was open, which I found strange. He backed out, turned to face the front again then hurtled down the gloom road below the dark sky.

"So, what's your connection to the dude of the party?" Natsume asked.

My cheeks heated up.

"Nothing," I mumbled quickly, ducking my head.

"Your boyfriend?"

"**NO**!" I turned quickly away, cheeks burning. The truth was, I was dating Joshua but I felt reluctant to tell him for some strange reason.

_Its cause his your ex_, I thought._ That's why. Just your ex._

"Hm, okay," Natsume replied coolly, not sounding particularly bothered.

I flared up instantly. "What's _your_ connection to the hostess of _your_ party?" I demanded angrily.

He grinned. "If you're talking about the host's sister," he said evenly, not looking at me. "She likes me."

Anger, hatred and shock flared immediately inside me, shocking me.

_No_, I thought in horror. _No, no,** no**. I couldn't like him again. I just couldn't._

But just like that, I was back to square one.

(: (: (:

Ah, well, I'd better get started on another one.

Hey, you guys, have you watched Prince of Persia: Sands of Time yet?

Isn't it just totally awesome? :D

**xShanaChan **


	6. Forever

I do not own Gakeun Alice.

Sorry, I know its been a seriously long time but I've been busy.

And now I'm just bored. (:

:D :D :D

It was silent the whole ride there.

Natsume did not speak once as we left his house and made our way down the rain washed winding streets to Joshua's address. He hadn't even bothered to turn on the radio so it was silent besides our breathing.

I twisted uncomfortably in my seat as he drove. Hazily, I wondered if he was kidnapping me but I knew him better than to assume that. No matter how badass he appeared to be, Natsume always kept to his word.

I inhaled his intoxicating scent sprayed everywhere over the car. He just smelled so ... delicious. The scent seemed to fill every bit of me up inside.

_Not that I like him or anything_, a small voice in my head added.

No. I did not like Natsume. I didn't. I couldn't. He broke my heart once and he was not going to do so again.

Damn it.

I stared out of the window. It was fogged up, thanks to the humidity and what I could see through it wasn't much anyway. Every so often an overhead lampost would briefly illuminate the car only to slide backwards again. I could see dark outlines of various shops and houses we passed but nothing specific.

Sneaking a quick peek sideways, I stared at Natsume's dark profile. He wasn't looking at me, just staring at the road ahead as the windshield wipers helpfully removed fumes of fog and gallons of rainwater from his vision. His red eyes gleamed through the darkness.

_You're in love with him. You're in love with him. You're in love with him._

Hotaru's words repeated themselves a thousand times over, imprinted upon my brain and several decibels louder than she'd intended. The message was the same however.

_You're in love with Natsume Hyuuga. You just don't want to admit it._

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I stared ahead, seeing nothing as images in my brain began to play before my very eyes. Memories of my short time with Natsume Hyuuga. A time where I was so happy, I wouldn't even have cared if a grenade exploded at my feet.

I'd been so happy with Natsume. So in love.

He didn't look like it but he was actually really sentimental. He brought me flowers, candy. He hugged me a lot. He brought me to romantic places, surprised me often.

The perfect boyfriend.

Until he abandoned me. One careless visit to my doorstep and an abrupt "I'm moving". Not even a kiss goodbye.

And just like that, he'd walked right out of my life.

I felt numb just thinking about it.

I'd thought I was healing. I'd thought I could move on. After two weeks keeping to myself in the apartment, I got right back into business. I'd taken yoga and gymnastics. I'd brought out the sun dresses, the heels. Blew out my hair and got my game on. Soon, I had guys crawling at my feet and begging more more.

To prove I was completely desirable.

But had any of those guys liked me for who I was? Didn't they all prefer me in sun dresses and heels, in caked on makeup and perfect hair? They certainly didn't like it when I walked out of the house bare faced in a simple T-shirt and jeans paired with Converse. They called in uncivilized.

Unlike him, I could not help thinking, glancing once more at Natsume's pale profile.

He'd loved me in anything. Complained when I put on too much makeup. He would pinch my cheeks and tell me not to hide my pretty face behind old women's methods of looking younger.

That was him. Natsume Hyuuga. Or the person I'd thought I'd known.

Perhaps I hadn't known him at all. The guy I'd fallen in love with - had not been capable of abandoning me. Of showing up all irresistibly worn out but yet cold and telling me that he was walking right out of my life with hardly a hug or kiss.

But it'd happened.

I could not fall in love with him again.

But yet ...

He'd been the first guy I'd ever kissed. First guy I'd ever fallen in love with. I - wanted him to be the last.

Argh. I was so confused.

"You okay?" he unexpectedly broke the silence between us and I started. Turning towards him, I noticed he was not looking at me but staring straight ahead.

"Of course I am," I replied. To my annoyance, I realized my voice had taken on a girly, breathy quality that was just downright annoying. Clearing my throat, I continued on a more irritable tone. "Why?"

A small smile lifted up his lips.

"Because you look like you want to tear the whole car apart."

Charming. I scowled at him, ignoring the small spark of hope that flared suddenly in my chest. Of course he'd noticed. It wasn't like he was paying attention or anything. I just must have been making a lot of noise.

"I just can't wait to get out of here, that's all," I snapped at him with as much venom as possible.

It earned opposite effects. Rather than wounding him, he chuckled, a sound that slipped pleasantly in her ribcage.

"Whatever floats on your boat, sweetheart."

"Don't call me that !" I shouted at him, immediately. My lower lip curved into a small pout.

"Why?" he countered, turning the wheel smoothly so the car turned into a small right lane. He was smiling.

That just pissed me off even more.

"Don't call me sweetheart. I'm not your girlfriend anymore! You made _that_ clear enough!"

"When did I say that?" he asked, looking genuinely perplexed.

I could not believe the nerve of this boy!

"Like, I don't know, several months ago when you showed up on my doorstep to tell me you were moving and henceforth disappeared from my life without a trace ? Ring a bell?"

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye as he maneuvered the car down the sloshing wet streets.

"I didn't say I wanted to break up," he said. "I just pushed the pause button on our relationship."

"Pushed the pause button on our relationship?" I sputtered, so ready to tear him into a million pieces. He had a lot of nerve ... saying that he'd pushed the _pause_ button after abandoning me.

He looked at me like I was retarded.

"Yes," he said, slowly, like I was impaired concerning hearing. "Pushed the pause button on our relationship."

I was about to say something when his words finally sunk in and a cold frisson ran down my back.

If what he was saying was true ...

That he had really thought he'd pushed the pause button on our relationship ...

That meant -

I'd cheated on him. I'd cheated on Natsume Hyuuga.

And we were headed to my sorta-kinda-maybe-a little-its-complicated boyfriend's house now.

Uhoh.

:D :D :D

I know its lame, okay. No need to rub it in.

I don't know, I just feel very uninspired but my friend insisted I update so I did.

Tell me what you guys want in the next chapter, kay? :)

If you feel uncomfortable leaving constructive comments on here, just drop a line in my blog : candyaholic. blogspot. com

See youuu next time.

xShanaChan


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